Throw me Toys Thursday
Mar 10th
I know two things, Its a Wednesday making this post early and secondly how does a fight over beer between two like minded individuals constitute this treatment.
Easy they are both smoking hot bimbos with chest’s that BillJobs could only dream of taking photo’s of. If you can’t knock the top off your own homebrew before the clip finishes – you are not worthy…. Enjoy
Eye Rape
Mar 10th
Eye rape gone wrong will end up in mugshot, SMILE
Eye Rape
The art of violating someone with your eyes which can have both physical and emotional ramifications.
In a Sentence : “I’d give her a good eye raping“, “Did she just rape me with her eyes??” and with the females in mind “He’s so dam hot, I don’t mind when he eye rapes me”.
Like prostitution, ER has been around longer than Jesus. Some one would say though that Mary was the first in the long line of woman to sell her backside for a lazy green back. In fact i found this passage in the old testament “Jesus christ i feel violated i can feel your pupils in the back of my box”. An ER is a common pre-mating tool utilized by the male population, This can hinder a males progress though as females feel dirty and ashamed at times. A female that warms to the attention is often referred to as “KFC” (An no its not actual KFC – Keen For Cock) and “Down to Party” which is a more subtle call sign.
A Rundown of a successful “Eye Rape” :
- Remove your glasses ( you want her/his to remember your weasel like eyes)
- Identify your target and her/hims assets
- Make direct eye contact – keep holding till it becomes uncomfortable for you both
- Shift your gaze up and down over the assets
- Undress Her/Him in your mind and penetrating them
- Eye contact again
- Walk on, To finish her/him off turn back and try re-connect that initial contact
- Congratulations you’ve pulled off a unforgettable ER
The beauty of this move is that can be repeated over and over again during the course of the day. Repeat offending shouldn’t be frowned upon and won’t get you thrown in the big house with bars for doors and a daddy for a room-mate.
Cuba Street Has More Heat
Mar 10th
I was talking to a fan last week. He was talking to me about WIRB the southern hemispheres 18th most popular NZ based banter website. He said “WIRB seems to have changed”, “go on” in insisted. “Its like you guys used to be all Naughty America and now you’re all Red Shoe Diaries, I can still knock one out to it but it takes longer and David Duchovny’s narration is off putting. They should have used Christian Bale”. I agreed, after all Christian Bale has been outstanding in such films as ‘The Machinest’, ‘Land of the Rising Sun’ and the cult hit ‘American Psycho’. “You guys need to get back to talking about pussy, making your own beef jerkey, shitting with the door open and taking riverboat gambling trips” – it’s true that all these are exceptional activites.
Alison Mau. She has been copping some flak as of late with rumours rife of lesbian trysts. Now I don’t want to badmouth Alison as she is like a good friend to me, I watch Breakfast daily and enjoyed seeing the double MILF act of Mau and Pippa Wetzel (whom edges her out in the overall rootability stakes). I do want to express my dissapointment at Simon Dallow for letting this fine piece of tail go (definitely not for his journalistic abilities which are, I’m sure you’ll all agree simply outstanding). I’m particularly upset with him she does dabble with the furry cup, jokes aside, that is one of the few boxes that most men fail to tick off on when finding a wife. If she does enjoy the odd pink taco I would hope that she spends no more than 60-70% of her time here with another 60-70% of her time enjoying the more standard meat and two vege option. For those maths whizz’s out there you will calculate that this leaves 20%-40% enjoying a meat and vege taco aka The Chef’s Special (TCF). I can’t even think about a possible Mau-Wetzel tryst as I have on new CK underwear and don’t want to have to change them suffice to say that if this did happen the universe would quite possibly explode due to excessive levels of MILF hotness.
I’m am currently writing a novel on my exploits over the previous few months. I have been working undercover as a choirboy for Destiny Church with the hope of uncovering their secret and possibly cracking the lesser known though far more complicated Raphael Code. I have had some success while on a recent trip to Australia where I was able to convince a group from the Brisbane chapter to defact and form a rival more militant group. This group has had some success in bring down the Australian Penal Division of DC (APD/DC). Through both RPG and media attacks they have forced BT out of hiding and surrender his Personal Tax Summary and Statement of Financial Position to Jesus for an audit. Results are pending. I also organised a TV3 based group to track him down for a Tiger Woods style ‘clearing of the air’ interview howver Close Up’s resident Walrus (long rumoured to be brother under the Order of Schappell Corby in the DC) scuttled my plans and scooped WIRB fan John Campbell on the night with a far less provocative interview. The word in media land is that BT had on his Rider 2000 green M&M’s 8 bottles of evian water and 6 dozen roses. What a Diva.
AWRM
Youtube Video of the Week
Mar 10th
Some of you may remember the English Children’s television show Rainbow.
This episode didn’t make it to air.
From a childs point of view, it all seems like a bit of fun. From a dirty minded adults point of view, this is funnier than 99 Smurfs, 1 Smurfette, and a Smurf they all call Papa…… Smurf me!
Poor girl must have been Smurfing 24/7!!
Sweet Monday Melodies
Mar 8th
Verbal Kent is currently on holiday, but he has ensured his ever-growing fan base won’t be let down.
Mr Kent has suggested we post a personal favourite of his in a young Stevie Wonder during the Motown glory years.
Something to think about - Mr Wonder sung this live. No lip-syncing, overdubs, or playbacks in the ear. It is pure.
Enjoy.
Girls Gone FB Kayla Heathcote
Mar 7th
Enter Miss Heathcote this stunning amazonian princess is one of Wgtn’s top shelf specials. Currently she is pursuing her modelling career in Australia in parts unknown. As you can see she is hip-hop, She likes a nice stroll down Orienthal bay and a sweet salmon coloured bikini, a big fan of trashy 80’s hair metal and a avid supporter of the Greens (Nandor Taczos era though).
For guys not good enough to play rugby…
Mar 7th
Keep your eye on the ball Alexander and do as i tell you
Tuning into watching the Wgtn Phoenix sudden death semi final, I’d mixed emotions having grown up in NZ under the impression that “soccer was for guys not good enough to play rugby” quote Bill Jobs. I decided to join the fray at the 90th minute it seems all the action happens after the first Hour and a half (strangely this parallels with one of my ex-girlfriends 16 years ago). The score 1 – 1, So had not missed hell of alot. The crowd was cheering, The players were diving everywhere like school girls but initialing it was the commentators i warmed to with great lines such as “He’s coming from behind”, “He went down to easy”, “His touch on the balls today outstanding” and “Paul Ifili has been all over Kennedy’s woodwork today”. The soccer defiantly is more homo-erotic than most sports (and at times can resemble a gay soft porn flick), Lots of players touching each other and lot of implied body language and not. Reminds me more of an Alexander film at times than a great sporting spectacle. No one is exempt from this behavior though, With the crowd predominantly men taking their shirts off with 10minutes left. Not a good site, It would be comparable to a good old Kiwi BBQ with the Chef only serving up sausages and no Bread, Condiments etc. Just before extra time, The players huddle together group massages, one on one’s, deep and meaningfull’s this looks as if it’s going to morph into the Rocky Horror Show or worse Destiny’s Church TV. The exchanges between Ricki Herbert (whats up with the spelling?? Great shades of Ricki-lee Lake) and the chief exec Tony Pignata bordered on the absurd. Grasping each other by the cheek and embracing. Hats off to them though if they can drum up this much support in a rugby mad country they must be half decent!!!
Must admit though funniest banner i have seen was at the game “You can’t shake the yellow fever” held aloft by the two gentlemen of obvious asian origins. Should of also read “Or deport!!” How Ironic..
Youtube Video of the Week
Mar 6th
In 1967 a band by the name of The Spencer Davis Group penned this little ditty. It hit number 2 in the UK charts and number 7 in the US.
Unlike their sound, these guys are white! This song is a personal favourite. It reminds me of Vietnam movies, particularly low flying helicopter scenes.
Orange Roughie
Mar 5th
I know we look like girls, but the German girls looked like men so it's ok...
Reports have been coming into WIRB about an unconfirmed ginger incident on (or slightly off) the streets of Sydney.
Word is that during Sydney’s largest GAY festival week, a pair of NZ red heads were able to convince a pair touring Germans to take a walk with them to get more familiar with the local vegetation.
The Germans, not too proficient in English, agreed under the guise of free steins of beer (or so they thought).
Under the moon lit Sydney sky, the blood nuts showed their true selves (a glimmering skin very similar to that of the vampire skin in Twilight). Undeterred, the gingers decided to test their luck by making their (one) move on the now parched deutschlanders.
Confused by the pure white light standing in front of them, the Germans, like deer in headlights succombed to pure and basic instinct.
The German girls, being earthy creatures, were happy enough to get dirty in the foliage. The motivation now being a shower for the first time in two weeks, the girls followed through with the deed, whilst the luminous beasts high five each other.
WIRB is uncertain on the post match events. Further comment has been sort and the story is yet to be ratified by an independent third party.
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Liar Liar – Kiwis On Fire
Mar 4th
Posted by inhisownwrite in Banter
No comments
Free balling - Good on ya mate
Two of the biggest stories in the world at the moment have a common thread – Kiwis.
Good old ‘on ya mate’ New Zealand has been thrust into the global media spotlight because one New Zealander couldn’t keep their mouth shut and the other because he said nothing. In both stories, Kiwi morals have been tested.
Missing, but not at The Warehouse.
Madeleine McCann had the world looking for her at one stage. One line of enquiry was to try and track down a woman with an apparent Kiwi accent who blurted to a stranger in a Portuguese airport about wanting to know if he had her new daughter. I’m guessing that this person is not the most intelligent person from NZ.
It amused Tiger that the world believed there were only two porn stars on his belt.
Tiger’s partner in golfing crime is his Kiwi caddie Steve Williams. Thanks to Tiger, Steve can now afford to pay someone to wipe his arse for him. He has hung out with Tiger for 11, strictly platonic years and claims to be his mate – well at least not a business colleague.
Steve has caregotically stated that he did not know that Tiger had been nailing pretty much anything that strutted past his nose, yet says that the two are close. Does anyone else find that hard to believe?
I have played in sporting teams. Although I have never been mates with everyone in the team, I always heard when one of the boys scored. It wasn’t always at the time, sometimes it could be later on things would come out (that’s why court sessions are great). Tiger remember, what goes on tour never ever stays on tour.
It is good to see that Steve did not break the man code. Who would though – Tiger is Steve’s golden ticket.
WIRB is all about not breaking rank on the man code. You gotta have your boys back in public, especially when the Mrs goes NATO if/when she finds out.
Steve knew. He just didn’t want to get in trouble with his Mrs. Last thing you want is trouble at home because your mate is a man-whore.
Lying – as kiwi as jandals, paua and keas.