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We are here for a good time, Not a long time…
I ascended upon Auckland – Super city to some. Under heavy clouds of apprehension, much like Frodo’s journey through the fiery pits of mordor. Hence i had not a ring to dispose of, Just me my rucksack and my trusty missus to fend off Remeurians, Mangerians (pronouced Mon – geeeeer in Epsom,Mission Bay) and the lethal WINZ funded Manakauians. Needless to say i was thoroughly stripsearched at customs (for domestic travel ridiculous) i understand what was done to me can also be done to you on any good nite in Parnell. However nothing was found but a book on Led Zeppelins career at the top, All that detailed was Jimmys, Plantys, Bonzos and the Bassist (always forget his name) debaunch tours of the USA. (Sidenote – a real gem of a read!!)
Once i’d set up a strategic stronghold in the rolling lush hills of Ponsonby (famous for its historical citzenship of ponsy people), It was time to get properly attired for nocturnal activities. Now gone was the high topped chucks, the tight emo jeans and my rock emblazoned tees. Had to outfit myself to blend into the scenery, A cowboy shirt (with a collar and sleeves), tight emo jeans (Akld has an abundance of pro-emo culture i discovered) and a leather jacket (unfortunalty the poormans leather – sythethic). Also downgraded from hightop chucks to lowcut chucks – really made my feet looked skinnier. Had to take a brief afternoon tutelage from a vocal coach. Gone was chur, sweet and bro. Slotting in Thanks,Thanks very much and brother (pronouced in Akld Brrrroo-thher).
Was feeling quite optimistic about the ensuing night headed to the fine restraunt Vivace (or some random shit that started with V – i can only think of one other possibility). The eatery had very dimmed lighting, So i had to be wary of predators such as the Parnell Panther (as is on parole) and many cougars, hecougs. Now somehow being a good proliferal (of a catholic base) god had been good to me, I found this is interesting as i was a big fan of the DaVinci code and Angel and Demons. That i was blessed with the fine company of many beautiful females (Can’t be deemed as cougars/puma’s as not actively seeking prey). Was a first time meet greet for all, My manners had been packed for this encounter. That lasted all of 5minutes.
Now i was in the midst of my year of abstainance (only alcohol based i must be advise). I have taken Aleister’s Crowley values as my own – Please view his link(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleister_Crowley) So once the idle chit chat hit the wall, i was on hand to take the light hearted banter to the next step. Areas of interest that were covered infidelities, seuxual manoeuvres, bisexuality (strictly lesbo based) the sexual peak of a female, the sexual peak of a male and penile issues (functionality, size, girth, stamina). I had an audience of like minded individuals eating out of my palm. The felines had some interesting points (which i corrected), According to these frisky wahines 100% of males dream of a man on man scenario. Far from the truth i detested, If anything abit of anal stimulation can hit the spot (in the website nest) yeah right there thats the spot. A dream however? The possiblity of going to jail and being the last man in the shower had crossed my mind but nothing more. I simply had not dreamed of picnicing at the mythical Brown’s Bay (But also a suburb on the shore – a great Mike Whitehouse, Tom Millar story).
At this time, it was put to me. Where would we venture next, I reacted in a split second the Skycity casino closely followed by Brian Legros’s Whitehouse (Brian originally owned Liks in Wellington). By the hand of fate the girls wisely chose the Whitehouse (my ploy had been successfull).
As we headed for paradise city our squad shed some skin (to promote stealthness and greater land speed). As we entered this debauch soiree, i had nothing but a cheeky grin on my face – phase 1 of my 2 step plan was coming to fruition. I had a Silver Fox as a wingman and i was going to pick his brains about his time in the field, tactics, his time in Vietnam (Naam) etcetc. I also had another ace up my sleeve, the two hottest chicks in the joint who not to their knowledge were going to double as undercover strippers much later. As i strutted in like the peacock i am (hahaha) the maitre’d advised us all, we could touch anything we wanted BAR – the Pussy it must not be touched, to be appreciated and admired from afar (or your lap if lucky enough).
As we walked in, I veered to to a stronghold close to the entertainers stage. I’ve had years of experience in these sordid clubs and these scenarios play out in my mind on a daily basis. The look of joy was painted all over these 30+ club mouseketeers, I was in for a strictly voyeur capacity but hey if things got messy you could revert to calling me the cleaner!! The girls immediatly bee-lined for the ring side seats, I have to admit the skill-set the performers showcased was a considerable step up from their Wgtn counterparts. Front flips, beginner breakdancing, rolly pollies, splits – things mostly learnt at kindergarten or Jazz class were tools the girls utilizied at their own beckon call.
Now akin to Indecent proposal, Me being a much younger not as classier version of Woody Harrellson. I was propositioned by a kind gentleman Arnu, Who’d been whispering sweet nothings in to my girl’s ear (ringside) it was plain to see, she’d should’ve been up there shaking her booty and her other assets (which i can confirm are real and are real cool to!!) and possibly working a lesbian scenario performance with her also attractive friend (we will call her Hammo). I tried to negiotate a deal with him, I wasn’t budging from 2 grand for a nite with my girl. He countered me with 1 grand (whitehouse currency) and two of his oldest and wisest goats that he’d scarifice in our websites honour (to the uneducated – wheninromebro.com). We both left feeling empty as no deal was done. But this is when things started to heat up.
As the aptly named Missles left the stage, She pulled the girls in and grabbed there heavying chests and groped them. To their credit the girls didn’t hold back and were like fat kids in a candy shop and really shook things up with their body language. Needless to say for the next half hour, the girls were flirting with the dark side of their sexuality. Returning to table (with the SF and i swimming in literal euphoria) the girls were regaling their encounters (even though we were watching anyway – be kind rewind). I slyly snuck some local currency in my girls stacked chest, To her atonisment, a big booty ho (sounds better) came up from behind grinded up on her went in for a motorboat and relieved her of her money. Money in the bank, the wankbank gents.
Now the SF and i had moved into phase two of two step plan. We’d already witnessed (and rocked) some vintage girl on girl action. But we wanted more, We decided we wanted to get lapdances as a quartet (he had jumped onto my voyeur fetishes). We were in talks with one stipper (with the absolute best name in the business – Sarah?? wheres the imagination ahh) but decided to opt out. For our perverted vision, was going to cost $80 a head – $320 now i was as randy as Walrus in bloom but was not going to part ways with my wealth (unless the SF was shouting – apparently not). We asked to have a home version LESS the tax, this however didn’t eventuate. The girls got back to dancing with the girls, but my ship had left port long ago.
The nite was a small a step in the road of eternal evolution. I’m still standing. To come my night at Casino Royale…
What the ‘Nui is listening to at the moment…
Kashmir – Led Zeppelin
Rosanna – Toto
Locomotive – Guns an Roses
Comfortably Numb – Roger Waters, Van Morrison and the Band
Messages – Velvet Revolver
Vocalise – Slash
A toute le monde – Megadeth
Im still standing – Elton John
Shout outs to Paula Kinikinilau – You the man
The Hunters, The Gubbs (peter and charles, Not their sister), MSP 80/80 Blues (your club may have forgotten you but not us at wheninromebro.com), Steve Crow
maverick@wheninromebro.com
http://twitter.com/wheninromebro

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