• Share
  • Sharebar
  • Share

Vegas; WTF?! This is not a night at the Realm.

Where to begin… might as well go from the beginning:

Friday, June 18, circa 12pm West Coast Time:
After a journey from The Maple Based North, I arrive at the Hard Rock Hotel, Las Vegas (http://www.hardrockhotel.com) and check in. With word from the boys i made my way across the street to The Hofbrauhaus (http://www.hofbrauhauslasvegas.com/ ) to meet up with them and get the stein consumption underway. After watching what was well described by one Scoot Booterson via text from London as: ‘The English soccer team looked like a monkey f’n a football out there tonight’, we had the Stag sing a rousing rendition of ‘God Save the Queen’ followed by him doing a jager shot from the waitresses buxom rack. She returned the favour by nailing him across the rear with a hefty blow from a wooden paddle, the acoustics were working well.

We then made our way back to the hotel and went to what can only be described as a place God invented (not really cos im pretty sure he wouldnt be caught dead there but i hope you get the picture);

The Rehab Pool Complex..

In a nut shell theres about 7-8 pools with only hot chicks, and i am not exagerating, there was literally 1000 of them. I spent about 12 hours there over the 2 days and i saw 1 fat chick and she was being lead out by security for visual pollution. As the day rolled on, and the sun beat down at 38 degrees, the beers were flowing as was the sh1t talk to any lady who seemed half interested. 8s were the norm and a whole new meaning to the rating 10 was achieved. Vegas had me hooked.

9pm WCT:
The call is made to meet at reception in our tuxs and get ready for dinner at a place called Spago in Caesars Palace. To kill time we knock back some rather stiff gins and decide well be the Hard Rocks Welcoming Committee. After some mixed success we head off via The Strip, which is a site you can only really comprehend in person. Pyramids, Eiffell Towers, Statue of Liberty, Giant Castles, Huge Lions, Fountains. Things on a scale i cannot do justice to.
We arrive at Spagos, and sit down for dinner at which point an old lday comes over and comments on our rather snappy attire. She comments its her birthday so we serenade her with ‘Happy Bday’ and she gets on her way with a smile on her face.
A waiter then arrives and makes us aware a certain guest in a private booth is rather impressed by us and our singing, and that its her birthday. So at the insistance of the waiter we rock over with a bday cake and sing her happy bday. It was none other than Juliette Lewis of Natural Born Killers and Old School fame (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000496/). Hugs and kissess all round from her and the boys are mighty chuffed!

11pm WCT:
Table service at Pure nightclub. Basically we paid about $700 for our own booth on the roof of a night club, equipt with our own bouncer Steve; a legend who said he could get us anything we wanted… the table had our own waitress and a constant supply of booze and this view:

The bad side of town

I dont know about you but its right up there with the view of J&Ms from the Kittys balcony dont ya think?!?!
We stumbled out at close, around 4am, after making a good go at the booze and whatever else was on hand and drifted back to our rather palatial rooms.

Saturday June 19, 12pm WCT:
After a decent bacon and egg based breakfast it was back to the pool to cool off and to recount the previous night war stories and get prepared for a 7s tournament which sounded like a great idea until we all realised how hung we were and that it was 37 degrees. Fair to say the pool was a lot more atttractive and not just due to the clientelle.

4pm WCT:
We head to the outskirts of  Vegas dressed in Ledierhousen for the players and as beer wenches for those not playing, drawing various looks by all.
Thankfully playing in the social grade we record a win 3, lose 1 tally but decide to skip the 10pm final as we are too sober and there is gambling and drunkenness to pursue.

11pm WCT:
We make our way back and get changed before hitting the strip. We roll through the Luxor, New York New York, The MGM Grand, Excalibur, Mandalay Bay and The Bellagio. After losing a fair wad of cash bewteen us we head to Coyote Ugly which was incredibly dissapointing and i wouldnt reccomend wasting anyones time there.
We then head to Vanity nightclub back in our hotel as a Batchlorette (Hens) party we had met had a table there and invited us in to join them. This entailed more drinking and another late stumble back to the rooms.

Sunday June 20, 12pm WCT:
Time to leave the boys who have an extra night there and are attending the Rehab Pool Party on a Sunday which entails the same as Friday except with about 3000-5000 people and midgets by all accounts! fair to say im guttered to miss it but my wallet is empty and my liver is not happy.

Monday 1am, Maple Land Time:
Bed, thank God!

Reccomendations for anyone planning on heading there:

  • Stay at the Hard Rock, it may not be on the strip but the partying there is epic (see youtube link above) and the Strip is literally a 5 minute walk away, youll be fine.
  • Pre book table service at a nightclub, it seems expensive at first but you wont have to worry about lining up to get in or waiting in line for booze, and as Steve said, he can get you anything…
  • Have a theme night, great thing to tie in with the table service night if your going fancy, standing out in Vegas is tough but rewards are there for those who are sorted…
  • Budget minimum US$500 a day, that should cover food, booze, room, gambling easily if your on to it.
  • Dont expect anything cos Vegas WILL suprise you no matter what.

Mr B Bird
International Travel Consultant
McBird Enterprises
A Partner of When In Rome Bro

Related Articles

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.

Share