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When Daniel San (Ralph Macchio) and Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) hit our screens in the summer of 1984 it snowballed in popularity and drew allot of kids into the ultimate underdog flick (like Rocky for Kids). A mainstream and cult hit for the ages, But no in 2010 Harald Zwart and the Smith/Pinkett’s decided that this movie had too be remade. Here are many of the flaws that exist in the re-make….

  1. An easy one, Karate is Japanese, Kung-Fu is Chinese. When you go-to China you don’t order Sushi do you? The movie is called the karate kid obviously trying to build on an inherited audience (from 1984) should’ve stood on their own “2 feet” and not relied on past fame’s.
  2. John Mayer singing the opening song, Staying true to the movie’s roots could’ve gone for something with an 80′s style synthesizer/rock make up. Possibly on a patriotic note they could’ve rehashed Dragon’s “Rain” or Mark William’s Winfield cup hit “Show no Mercy”. The only thing that John Mayer and the orient have in common is that he has a big Wang whilst the Chinese have a phone book dedicated to the family Wang.
  3. The movie is made for it’s huge western following. Yet these is text and audio spoken in the Asian language (presumably mandarin) Now I don’t know about you but the limits of my Asian is “I’ll have a Egg Fu Young with a side of Cantonese noodles and a Pepsi”. So they have cut part of their biggest market off – The ones that speak English.
  4. After 20 minutes, We’re introduced to the only white guy in the film “The Token White Guy”. Pretty much unheard of till now, Reverse racism if anything. So there is one white guy, two black people and possibly a billion Chinese people. Food for thought!
  5. The main character’s name is Dre, Now he’s meant to be an underdog a kid that can’t fend for himself. Yet he has the name of a gangster rapper Dr. Dre, A name maybe like Daniel, Richard or Thomas may have sufficed. He also has braids which also being a black American would make you believe he is cool, tough or talented – naturally. Everyone knows that black people on movies are always cool, Are always good at basket ball (please refer - White Men Can’t Jump and He Got Game). So there is scenarios that can’t possibly be true.
  6. The hoods in the movie look like a bunch of IT rejects with quite possibly the worst hairdresser ever, Looks like hairdresser-San has just put a small noodle bowl on these poor little boys heads and cut around it. Should possibly of been some “Pipe hitting niggahs” – quoting Pulp Fiction or some gangster wannabe’s such as the Crips, Bloods, Killer-Bee’s (NZ Kid gang) or White Tails (Shortland street). These young lads wouldn’t strike fear into a pre-schooler.
  7. Mr. Han all-though he gave a stand out performance, Didn’t have his cute little tree’s and his beautiful garden to tend. Instead he had a car in the lounge (citing parking restraints) and a concrete jungle. No menial task’s Shao Dre San to complete.
  8. Following on from this, The training methods from the two movies differed. In the original there was alot of hard labour but Daniel San needed it he was a pussy and need to be worked into shape. In the remake Shao Dre San, Was a huge softy with no work ethic yet Mr. Han made him hang up his jacket and pick it up off the ground etcetc for days on end. He had a concrete jungle full of mess that needed time and dedication all which was lost on Dre. Instead he was allowed to use the great wall of China as a training facility – which he did get to do more combative type training.
  9. The original had young Elizabeth Shue (Leaving LasVegas fame -she would then blossom into a hot piece of tail) the remake a plain jane asian girl who was possibly to young to oggle at.
  10. The original was a cult following, The remake will actually have a cult following it (and also producing and directing it). Thanks to the Church of Scientology, Where Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are high up in the church and have lent their money and expertise to the movie. Unfortunalty churchs don’t belong in films unless it involves a naughty catholic nunn getting a jack hammering in “Satan’s Alley”. F A I L

 

This is what should of been Dre’s affection…

This is the tip of the ice-berg, Or the wasabi that is nestled in discreetly under your fresh salmon sushi….

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