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What’s happening with the financial markets at the moment and what kicked it all off, the downgrade from Standard & Poors of America’s credit rating from Aaa to Aa+, got me thinking of ratings and the impacts this has on our lives. Now by ratings you’re probably thinking of the methods and ways they are created and the impacts such ratings have on our investments and retirement plans. Well, I’m not, I’m talking about the way males and females rate the opposite sex.

Since man and woman first started cohabiting, men have always looked at females and wondered a million thoughts. What they’d be like in the sack? Do her cans/milk look better in the flesh? Are they real or not? And I have always wondered if females had the same thoughts. This was confirmed when I met a stunning lesbian couple. The more feminine of the pair discussed the merits of rating ladies, especially when they wore bikinis (to paraphrase her “as you can see more”). She was a legs and bum person, my preference is nice legs, but the only prerequisite I do have is that they take care of they’re bodies and appearance. I metaphorically had my mouth gaping open (as I was trying to maintain a calm and measured outlook, without seeming like a goofy idiot) at this revelation that females do in fact “rate” those they are attracted to.

 

10/10

 

I relayed this conversation to a group of guys I know and the various ways we rated females. We proceeded to create a ratings system of our own.

The various ratings systems we discussed included:

 

Out of ten

The old standard, rating a lady out of ten based on appearance (what you saw and how you saw it).

 

9.5/10?

Binary system

This is a simple yes, no. As in would you go there or not? With a 1 being a yes and 0 being a no. You would walk down the road saying 1’s or 0’s and your mate would know what you’re talking about.

 

The system we created

What started as a pretty good methodology, quickly transpired into a great code, which still works well to this day. It is an equitable way of measuring and rating females and depending on what your preference is, your scores will clearly highlight this. So how does it work? You still have a rating out of ten, but you rate the face, milk (boobs) and toilet (ass).

 

As an example, I would score a skinny model as 9, 1, 1 if they have an attractive face but have no milk or toilet. You could use the code “Porsche” to describe them as in Porsche 911. Alternatively if you scored a lady 6, 6, 6 the code “Exorcist” or “Devil” could be used. We found this method a good way to rate the ladies and a great banter at the pub.

 

corn on the cob?

Can you think of any other way of rating the opposite sex? I know ladies assess other chicks based on what they wear, where they would have purchased it and can be bitchy about it, so don’t jump on this as if you’re a pariah. Let me know your rating system or ways of improving the ratings system.

 

From your boy, the BBC.

 

~ “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business… Man!” line from Jay-Z’s rap on Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix) by Mr K West.

 

Next week I’ll be looking into upgrades, I can understand IT upgrades, as systems evolve and the need to maintain and work on defects and bugs. But when you find something that doesn’t need it, why do companies change something that doesn’t need changing? It will be as an open letter to Puma about the Summer 2003 jandal’s they released and haven’t released since.

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