I was talking to a fan last week. He was talking to me about WIRB the southern hemispheres 18th most popular NZ based banter website. He said “WIRB seems to have changed”, “go on” in insisted. “Its like you guys used to be all Naughty America and now you’re all Red Shoe Diaries, I can still knock one out to it but it takes longer and David Duchovny’s narration is off putting. They should have used Christian Bale”. I agreed, after all Christian Bale has been outstanding in such films as ‘The Machinest’, ‘Land of the Rising Sun’ and the cult hit ‘American Psycho’. “You guys need to get back to talking about pussy, making your own beef jerkey, shitting with the door open and taking riverboat gambling trips” – it’s true that all these are exceptional activites.

Alison Mau. She has been copping some flak as of late with rumours rife of lesbian trysts. Now I don’t want to badmouth Alison as she is like a good friend to me, I watch Breakfast daily and enjoyed seeing the double MILF act of Mau and Pippa Wetzel (whom edges her out in the overall rootability stakes). I do want to express my dissapointment at Simon Dallow for letting this fine piece of tail go (definitely not for his journalistic abilities which are, I’m sure you’ll all agree simply outstanding). I’m particularly upset with him she does dabble with the furry cup, jokes aside, that is one of the few boxes that most men fail to tick off on when finding a wife. If she does enjoy the odd pink taco I would hope that she spends no more than 60-70% of her time here with another 60-70% of her time enjoying the more standard meat and two vege option. For those maths whizz’s out there you will calculate that this leaves 20%-40% enjoying a meat and vege taco aka The Chef’s Special (TCF). I can’t even think about a possible Mau-Wetzel tryst as I have on new CK underwear and don’t want to have to change them suffice to say that if this did happen the universe would quite possibly explode due to excessive levels of MILF hotness.

I’m am currently writing a novel on my exploits over the previous few months. I have been working undercover as a choirboy for Destiny Church with the hope of uncovering their secret and possibly cracking the lesser known though far more complicated Raphael Code. I have had some success while on a recent trip to Australia where I was able to convince a group from the Brisbane chapter to defact and form a rival more militant group. This group has had some success in bring down the Australian Penal Division of DC (APD/DC). Through both RPG and media attacks they have forced BT out of hiding and surrender his Personal Tax Summary and Statement of Financial Position to Jesus for an audit. Results are pending. I also organised a TV3 based group to track him down for a Tiger Woods style ‘clearing of the air’ interview howver Close Up’s resident Walrus (long rumoured to be brother under the Order of Schappell Corby in the DC) scuttled my plans and scooped WIRB fan John Campbell on the night with a far less provocative interview. The word in media land is that BT had on his Rider 2000 green M&M’s 8 bottles of evian water and 6 dozen roses. What a Diva.

AWRM

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